Saturday, 4 January 2014

A Sound Mind

On April 1st of this year, it will be 15 years since I moved to Alberta. Add to that the year I lived in BC ('94-'95) and the two years I lived in Saskatchewan ('95-'97) and I will have lived 18 years of my adult life away from my home province. Assuming one becomes an adult at age 18 (which is debatable), subtracted from my current age of 54, I have been an adult for 36 years, which means I have spent half of my adult life living outside of Ontario. During those years, my desire to return to my home province has waxed and waned. BC was the only province, other than Ontario, where I felt content to stay for the long term. However, I only lived there for one year, so that could have changed if I'd stayed there longer. During the past 6-12 months, I have felt Ontario's tug on my heart strings grow stronger and stronger. My parents are gone. My brother is gone. Who knows how much longer I have with my remaining siblings? Life has no guarantees. I miss them, being able to see them regularly, getting together on the holidays. I also miss my home province. I miss fall colours. I miss being able to buy fruit direct from the orchard. I miss milder winters. I just plain miss Ontario. The last time I was there, I had a really hard time returning to Alberta. So, I have actually started exploring the possibility of moving back. I have already started the process of reactivating my Ontario nursing registration. But I'm still not sure. The economy continues to lag in Ontario. I have a good job here. I own my house. There's a lot to consider. For interest's sake, go to Google Maps and see how far it is from Edmonton to Toronto: 3473 km or 2158 miles. That's an astounding distance to move. And I know from personal experience that it's neither cheap nor easy. I've moved from Ontario to BC, BC to Saskatchewan, Saskatchewan to Ontario and Ontario to Alberta. I'm really not in a hurry to do it again. And I own more stuff, I think, than I ever did. But Ontario is calling me...
Meanwhile my daughter has moved back home with her son. She wants to be a health care aide to be able to support herself and her son, but shift work and single motherhood are not a good combination. She has custody issues and child support issues to settle. And how do she and Damian fit in with my plans to move to Ontario? I wish I could fix her life for her, come up with the right solutions to get her back on her feet again and her life going in the right direction. But I can't and it frustrates me. And I'm confused. And I haven't been sleeping well at night, which only adds to my stress. 
Then suddenly I realized that these aren't my problems to solve. I don't have to fix all of these things myself. As a matter of fact, my trying to fix things on my own might just make them more complicated. I just need to get out of God's way so that He can resolve things in His own way and time. Jesus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. The Bible also tells us to "Cast... all your care upon Him; for He careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7. Finally, when all of these problems and issues are driving me crazy, I need to remember that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7. I can trust Him. He knows the end from the beginning and He has a solution. I can keep a "sound mind," a peaceful mind, knowing that He is in charge and has all of the answers, so I don't have to.